Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I sit here as both of my children sleep at the same time and think, "I am blessed." I am blessed to have both of them sleeping at the same time. I am blessed to have two healthy children who bring utter joy to my life (although a severe lack of sleep). I am blessed to have a husband who provides for me and our two children. I am blessed a thousand times over. I dont understand why so many bad things happen in this world but I know at this very moment I feel complete and satisfied with my life and I am grateful to be able to have that feeling. I am sure I will need to draw back on this feeling one day in order to get through difficult times but for now...I am simply, happy.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Here it goes AGAIN!!

I swear that I just did this with Tessa and it was awful but now Im doing it with Jake and its even harder. Someone told me that it would be easier with the second but I disagree. Its harder for me and every inch of my is telling me that Im completely screwing my kid up and messing with poor tessa's sleep too. I tried last week but after a day and a half I saw really no improvement and decided to wait a little longer to do it with him, however after the sleep that Rob and I HAVENT been getting because he is literally up every hour or two every night I dont have a choice. Im completly exhausted!!! And the poor thing is on no kind of schedule and really should be on SOME kind of one. I'm losing my mind.

This is the second time today Ive put him down without being asleep. The first was at 9:30 and he cried til 10:10 and fell asleep for 20 minutes. I got him when he started to cry after the 20 minutes because at least he fell asleep and he was in the crib for an hour (which is what I'm supposed to do). Now its 12:19 and I put him in at 12:07 and I dont hear anything. Well...its on and off but right now hes quietly making little noises but not crying his eyes out. I want so badly to have th ebabysitter here but at the same time I want to hear his cry to make sure that it doesnt change to something being wrong where I have to run in there and rescue my sweet baby Jake. He's the best little man in the world and my love for him is so deep that his cry breaks me. I hope Im not scaring him for life. I'm so sorry Jake for putting you through this! I love you.